Mother’s
Day is coming up. I am fortunate to be able to call, speak with and try to
honor several mothers on this day.
My
own mother, who is a saint, even though she doesn’t want anyone to help her
even in her 80th year, and that drives me nuts. But I am so grateful
for her, who she is, what she teaches me, and that she is such a huge part of
my life, and those of countless others.
My
mother-in-law, who has always been loving, kind, generous and very accepting of
me. I am most grateful to her for her part in raising such a wonderful person
as my husband.
And
I always think on and send extra communication to my Heavenly Mother. I am
grateful that I have been taught, and known of her since teenage years, and
sensed her even longer. I have always embraced the part of LDS doctrine, and
yes, it has been a part of our doctrine since the early days of the church,
that lets us know we come from Heavenly Parents, who are as much a part of each
other as a couple can be.
Even
though church members are all over the place in our ability to acknowledge and
appreciate her as an equal partner with Heavenly Father, I think that has more
to do with our own cultural traditions, and is something we need to look beyond
in order to receive greater light and knowledge. I especially appreciate
actions such as a recent historical survey done by “BYU Studies” that found
over 600 references to Heavenly Mother by church leaders. Here is a link if you
want to download the survey… https://byustudies.byu.edu/showTitle.aspx?title=8669
I
highly recommend it.
I
love this part of the introduction…
“Contrary to criticism in some quarters, Church leaders have not
relegated this deity to a confined role. Statements from the late 1840s onward
show that leaders and influential Latter-day Saints have explored her roles as
a fully divine being, a creator of worlds with the Father, a coframer of the
plan of salvation, and a concerned and involved parent of her children on
earth.”
So
I look for ways to honor my Heavenly Mother, especially at this time. This is a
tough time for me as a mother. My mother’s heart aches and rejoices as I see my
children try to find their way in a world that can be dangerous and painful, as
well as wonderful and thrilling and joyful. I have learned from my Heavenly
Parents that, no matter how much I love and reach out to my children, no matter
how precious they are to me, they are infinitely more precious to Them.
I think
every mother goes through a time when she needs to let go of all the ways she
imagined her childrens’ lives would look, then acknowledge the ways they are
making their own life journey, and love them wherever they are. I have looked
to my Heavenly Parents as I learn to do this.
I imagine how Heavenly Mother’s
heart aches when she sees any of us turn away from Her, or doubt ourselves, and
how She and Heavenly Father will never give up on reaching out to each of us,
and wanting us to return, and that She loves us, no matter where we are on that
journey. She loves us now.
So
when I read about Elizabeth Smart speaking about why she did not try to run
after being kidnapped and repeatedly raped, my mother’s heart ached, and I can
only imagine how Heavenly Mother must have felt seeing her daughter Elizabeth
struggle with these feelings in the midst of the most horrific circumstances.
Here
is a quote from a Salt Lake Tribune article by Peggy Fletcher Stack about
Elizabeth Smart…
“Kidnap victim Elizabeth Smart made
national headlines this week by saying that she didn’t try to escape from her
captors because she felt like a "chewed-up piece of gum, nobody re-chews a
piece of gum, you throw it away."
Having been repeatedly raped, Smart
told a Johns Hopkins human-trafficking forum, it was "easy ... to feel
like you no longer have worth, you no longer have value. Why would it even be
worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued?
Your life still has no value."
She
said she had heard the chewed gum analogy from a school teacher. I was
fortunate to have never had that kind of object lesson thrown in my face, but I
heard similar analogies from many sources – school, church, friends, movies and
T.V., advertisements. These need to end.
And
the scriptural references that equate virtue with virginity, and suggest that
rape or assault can rob you of your virtue are hard to sort into the realm of
cultural phrases and ignorance if there isn’t an immediate discussion about it.
Virtue
is about personal choice and agency, about our ability to turn towards God, and
about being Christlike. No one can rob anyone of that. Do not confuse it, or
encourage anyone else to confuse it with the abuse that can occur due to
circumstance or the actions of others. Ever.
Here
is more from Stack’s article about Elizabeth Smart…
“For Smart, comfort came partly in
the form of a "blessing," or healing prayer, by the late LDS Church
President Gordon B. Hinckley, who assured her that she was not responsible for
anything that had happened to her when she was being controlled by her captors.
That is in line with LDS teachings,
according to church spokeswoman Ruth Todd.
"Victims of rape, incest, or
other sexual abuse are not guilty of sin. If you have been a victim of any of
these crimes, know that you are innocent and that God loves you," reads a
church pamphlet, For the Strength of Youth.”
I
am glad Elizabeth was able to receive that comfort, and return to parents who
had never stopped searching for her. My heart aches for those who have not
found comfort, or loving arms.
I
was sexually assaulted by a stranger when I was a child, before I had heard any
type of “chewed gum” analogy. I still struggled with feelings of shame. I was
also comforted by the unconditional love and acceptance of my parents. And I
found comfort and healing in many moments of divine grace over the years. I
have come to realize that whatever evil happened at the hands of that stranger,
it would be a greater evil for anyone to see me as damaged and unwanted. It
would also be evil to assume that the stranger was beyond help as well.
What
about those who have chosen to do things that turn them away from God, or
through choice have been promiscuous, or manipulative, or judgmental, or abusive,
or controlling, or destructive?
In
other words, all of us.
Are
any of us any less precious, of any less worth? What is the redemptive power of
the Atonement for, if not to heal us from all pain and sin, whether our own or
someone else’s? Who did Christ come for, and offer his loving act of oneness,
if not for each of us?
I
love this quote from Chieko Okazaki about Christ…
“He’s not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect
people don’t need a Savior. He came to save us in our imperfections. He is the
Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He’s not embarrassed by us,
angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in
our guilt and in our grief.”
Healing, and forgiveness, and recovery might take
time and effort, but it is there for us all if we will receive it.
Here is one way I honor Heavenly Mother this
Mother’s Day. I ask that if any of you hear anyone, anywhere suggest that anyone
can become damaged and without value for any reason, please have the courage to
say, “Nobody will ever be unwanted by God. There is no healing that is beyond
the power of Christ’s Atonement.”
If it is too difficult for you to do that, please
find me, or someone who will help you remember that you are precious, and have
infinite worth.
And if you ask and listen, your Mother will
remind you as well.
Happy Heavenly Mother’s Day.
